February 2011

Well, he has been off to the boarding school and seemed to be doing better.

A blizzard has hit and has dumped over two feet of snow.  With the blowing of the roads, the driveway is buried.  Our son was brought back to town for a follow-up with the psychologist for when he was in the psych ward.  One kid took the opportunity to run and one of the staff members went after him.  Suddenly our son realized that there was only one staff member left and about 6 kids.  He knew that if he ran, the staff member would not leave the other students.  So he ran.  Our driveway was still buried when we got the phone call.  We finally got dug out and went around looking for him.  One parent called and said that he had called their son for a ride out of town but was told because of all the snow they could not drive.  He said that he has been getting that a lot.

That night, our daughter's friend called her cousin and found out that he was there.  We called the police and they said they had to come by the house to take a report first before going out to get him.  We informed them that the school already had a missing person report on him.  They said that had to come anyway.  An hour and half later, they finally showed up.  After filing the report with them, we went out looking for him and could not find him.

The next morning, a mother of a friend of his dropped by.  She had found our son's backpack in her son's van that had been left about a month ago.  I thought at first that he had left it there recently and was disappoint when I found out that it had been a while back. I explained that he had ran from the school and was on the run.  She said if she heard anything she would contact us.

Then we got a call from a police officer.  Since the schools were closed because of the storm, he (who was the intermediate school liaison officer) was being assigned to the case.  We met with him and gave him a list of numbers of friends.

When we got back, we got a call from the mother who stopped by before.  She just got a call from our son and had dropped off her son at a house to meet up with him.  We sent a message to the police officer and then got a call back from her that they all just showed up at her house.  We sent a message to the police officer and he went to the house.  They were in the process of using drugs when the officers showed up at the house.

We met with him at the police station.  He informed us that he wanted to prove to us that he could go without using but was upset because in less than 24 hours he was back to it.  He told us that he realized that he needed help.  We convinced him to go back to the school.  This time he wanted to go back willingly because the last time he saw us, he was punching walls at the psych ward because we would not take him out.  That thought had haunted him for the past couple of weeks.  So we headed back to the school with him.

January 10, 2011

Our 15 year old son was seen by the
Psychologist today.  When he was notified that he was not going home today, he punch a hole in the wall.  He was then sent to the time-out room.  As he was in the room, he kept telling the psychologist to stop looking at him and he was told that once he decided to stop being defiant and set down and talk, it will be over.  Eventually the psychologist left the room and told the staff that he is not safe to go home and will need to be sent to a facility and that he will have to be transported by a deputy -- it is not safe for the family to transport him.

We plan on visiting the school tomorrow and start making arrangements.

January 9, 2011 (Later)

He was placed on the psych floor at about 3:00 AM
this morning.  We finished the admission process after 4:00 AM.  He started signing the paperwork and then suddenly decided that he was not going to stay.  He thought he would be released the next morning and the nurse stayed that he will probably be there for 6 - 10 days.  Well, he through a fit.  He said that he would go crazy if he was to stay for 10 days.  The nurse responded that he is then in the perfect place.  He said the he is going to just leave and she reminded him that he is in a locked facility.  He then said that he was going to break out.  She responded that she has been there several years and nobody has every escaped.  He told her to watch and he will be the first.  He went on and on that we are a bunch of liars.  We got him arrested twice for nothing. That his friends have his back not his family.  His friends are the ones that care for him not his family.  His friends would have known that he was not going to kill himself.  His friends would have never called the police on him.  The nurse responded that is because his parents love him and his friends don't.  He that became louder and louder about leaving.  They finally told him that he needed to just go to bed or they would have to call security.  They took him to his room and got him settled down and to sleep.  It was suggested that we just drop of clothes for him today and not visit since his only purpose will be to try to convince us to release him.

His primary care doctor (who is also the minister of our congregation at church) stopped by to see him today.  He said that he is very angry at us for calling the police.  He is not sorry at all and does not see that he is doing anything wrong.  He told us that he will probably be released either tomorrow or Tuesday because they do not feel that he is a threat to himself.

We talked to a boarding school for troubled youth.  After we talk to the psychologist tomorrow, we are to call the school back with more information.

January 9, 2010

We are currently in the ER. He called us later tonight and wanted a friend to stay the night. We told him that either his friend and him need to go to church in the morning with us or they both will need to be up and gone before we leave. He through a fit and them asked if he could stay at a friends house. I told him if we can talk to the parents. He then called later and asked what I would tell the parents. I told him that I would let them know our family rules, no drinking, smoking, or drug use. He through a fit and then said he was going to come home to kick my ass. He came home yelling at us for telling other parents. He reeked of alcohol. I told him that all of the parents that we have talked to in the past appreciated our rules and the concern that we have for our children. He eventually yelled out to just give him a phone and he will call someone to buy a gun and he will kill himself. I immediately called 911. Two police officers came to the house and arrested him for consumption of alcohol by a minor and took him to the ER. They did a alcohol test and he has a blood alcohol level of .134. He is being admitted to the psych floor as I type this. He has met with us twice already to try to convince us to take him home. He is now in the hall talking to the hospital staff trying to convince them to release him.

January 8, 2011

Our 15 year old son lost his cell phone.  I
did locate it later and found that he was asking for "herbs" from a certain
number.  We kept the cell phone.

Thursday, he served In-School Suspension for skipping school on Wednesday,
did not come home from school but called and had me pick him up from the
mall after work and he went with us to his brother's wrestling match.

Friday, he did not come home from school (actually skipped the last class)
but came home at 8:00 and watched a movie with us.

Saturday (today), he asked us for some money to go bowling or a movie.  We
told him that he could go see a movie if he wanted because his sister was
working but we were not going to give him money.  He took his backpack and
left.  A few minutes later, he called and told my wife that if we did not
give him money he was going to get someone to loan him $100 worth of weed
and he will sell it to get his money.  My wife told him we are not giving
him any money.  He hung up on her and we called the police.  The police
officer told us that he would be going over to the friend's house to see
if he was still there and that we should go to the bowling alley to see if
he is there with his friends.  As the police officer was heading to his
friend's house, I called to see if he was still there.  He was and I
mentioned that he did not have permission to leave the house.  He said
"What do you mean I did not have permission to leave?"  I was silent
because I was not sure how to answer that.  He just had a conversation
with his mother about him leaving out the back door.  He then said, well
if you are not going to saying anything then I am going to hang up and
did.  A few minutes later, the police officer showed up at our house with
him.  He was extremely mad.  After the police officer left, he told us
that once he is out of this house we will never see him again.  We tried
to talk to him and stood in front of him.  He jumped on the tote for the
Christmas Tree that I had been packing up and broke the tote trying to get
around us.  His mother blocked him as he tried to go out the front door
and I grabbed him and blocked him as he tried to go out the back door.  He
ran downstairs and out the garage door.

He called a few minutes later and asked why we called the police on him
when he was not doing anything wrong but chilling out with friends.  I
told him that he had told us that he was going to be dealing drugs and
that is wrong.  He told me that we knew that he was not going to be
dealing drugs.  I told him that we do not know that, he has in the passed
and told us that if we did not give him money that he would do it now.  He
went on that he was not doing anything and we had him picked up for
nothing.  I kept on telling him but saying that he is going to deal drugs
is something and that we are concerned and love him.  He told us that we
don't really love him.  He said that we tell him that we love him but we
make these promises but never keep them.  I asked him what have we
promised that we have not kept.  He then told me that he has nothing.  We
have taken his bike away, he no longer has a skateboard, he has no money
to go do anything, and he does not even have money in his account to buy
lunches.  I told him that he was misusing his lunch money so we stopped
putting money in.  He then told me that we do nothing for him.  I told him
that if he straightens up, we will work on getting his bike back, put
money in his lunch account, and may even give money for somethings but he
also has to realize we do not have money just to give him whenever he
wants it.  He said that he tried to change but we did not give his bike
back.  I told him that we told him that he is not automatically just going
to get the bike back, he has to give time to show that change is taking
place.  I mentioned that in the conversation he had with us after getting
picked up for shoplifting alcohol, he said that he has only been able to
go three days without using before and it was only two days this time and
he was back to the same thing.  He then replied, no it was three or four
days.  I responded, like I said you stated you cannot go more than three
days without using and this proves what you said.  He said that he does
not remember saying that.  Then he started in that family does not call
the police on their family.  I told him that we love him and are concerned
about him and if we think he is going to be dealing, then yes we are going
to call the police.  He said that he will just give us names of people to
call the police on and then we will be taken care of.  I told him that he
is our family and we are concerned about him.  He then told me that he can
make a call and have someone come by in the morning and shoot up the house
and then you'll see that you don't call the police on people.  I told him
that this is what makes us concerned that he hangs out with people or has
connections with people who will go around shooting people up.  This is
not a safe environment.  He told me that he did not need family, he has
people and those people have is back.  I told him that no matter what, we
will always love him and are there for him.  He has a place to come home
to and we are willing to work with him to help him make the changes
necessary.  He went on that he was never going to come home, I told him
that we will always love him and when he has decided to make some changes
that we are here to help.  He asked me what I wanted him to do.  I told
him that if he comes home now and sits down and talks to us, we will work
with him to get him into a drug recovery program.  He told me that he
already goes to Celebrating Recovery.  I asked him when was the last time
he has gone and he told me it was over a week ago.  I told him that is the
problem.  Then he started in that he is not coming home because he is not
going to be sent away.  I told him that we can even check on an outpatient
program.  He went on and on about not being sent away.  I asked him if he
knew what a outpatient program is and he told me know so I explained that
he would go on a daily basis but would come home.  He told me that he was
not going to any program that we just need to leave him alone.  I told him
that we are not going to leave him alone that we care about him too much.
He told me that we are never going to make him like we are and that we
just need to stop and when he is 18, he will leave and never see us again.
 I told him that whether he is 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 30, 40, 50, and on
that we are going to love him and be concerned about him, whether you are
here or not.  We are not going to leave him alone.  I told him that if he
continues to do drugs, use alcohol, steal from his siblings or parents, no
he is not welcome here but we will find a safe place for him.  He told me
that there are parents who have tried to put their kids in foster care and
they are much worse then him and they cannot do it.  He then said "You
think I am the worst kids in the world but I am not."  I told him that we
have told him over and over that he is not.  We love the person he is, we
just do not love the actions that he is doing.  He started in again on how
we called the police for no reason and I told him that he need to own up
to the fact that he said he was going to deal drugs.  He told me that we
knew he was not going to and I told him that we did not know that.  He
told me that he does not want to come home because he will punch my face
in but that he need to cool off and would call me at 6:00.  He asked if I
was going to call the police on him.  I told him that if he promises me
that he will not drink or use illegal drugs and lets me know where he will
be, then I will not call the police.  He then says "It is too early to
drink.  Those things don't start happening until 8 or 9:00."  I said okay.
 Then you will not be drinking any alcohol.  He said no.  I said then you
will not be using any drugs.  He said that he will smoke cigarettes.  I
said what about illegal drugs.  No.  I said then you will not be using
illegal drugs.  He said "I already said no."  I told him as long as I know
that he is safe then that is fine but you must call me by 6:00.  He says
"Bitch" as he hangs up to phone.

A few minutes later, he come in.  Tells me that he does not want to talk
to me or he will be beating me up.  Grabs the phone and calls his friend
and made arrangements to go back to his friend.  Then he left.

I called the friend's house and spoke with the grandmother.  I explained
to her that he is welcome there but that the reason we called the police
is because he told us that he was going to be dealing drugs.  He told us
when the police brought him home that he was not really going to and we
told him then do not saying you are going to if you really are not going
to.  She agreed.  She said she knew something was up because he had told
her that his mother had kicked him out and then I called looking for him
(last Sunday).  I told her that we told him that he could not stay if he
did not change but we also have told him that we will not just leave him
out on the streets that we need to know that he is in a safe environment.
She said that she has heard of these tough love places that could be setup
and leave a note on the door telling them that they are not welcome to
come back in but they are welcome at this place and leave the address.  I
told her that we are never just going to kick him out especially with him
being a minor.  She said she knew something was going on beyond what he
was telling.  She told us that she has told everybody that comes into her
house that if they are doing drugs or using alcohol, she will call the
police.  I told her that he needs some safe places to go and that is why
we are not concerned about him going over there, that the issue was him
saying that he was going to deal drugs.  She said that she would talk to
her daughter before he is allowed back in.

A few minutes later, my son calls us back and told me that I had to call
his friend's grandmother and apologize for being such a dick.  I told him
that I have talked with the grandmother and explained things.  Then he
said "Have you told her that I am dealing drugs, because you know I am
not."  I told him that I told her why we called the police and that it had
nothing to do with her.  He said "So you told her I am a drug dealer."  I
told him no, I told her that what you said and that you had no intentions
of actually dealing and that I had told you that you should not say you
will then.  Then he was all mad again "I am so mad that I want to punch
you in the face."  I told him that she is concerned about her grandson and
his friends just as we are concerned.  She even said that she would call
the police on her grandson if he was using.  So family does call the
police on family at times.  He said, "Yeah she has told me that but I
don't see how that has to do with anything."  I said, she is concerned and
you need to talk to her and see if you can go over there.  She does not
think you are a drug dealer.  That calmed him down a little.  He told me
that he is still mad but not as mad.  He then told me that he is wasting
this guys minutes and needed to hand up.  I told him "then I will hear
from you at 6:00?"  He says "Bitch" and hangs up the phone.  (Somewhere in
the conversation, it also came up that he knows we have his cell phone and
that we need to stop lying to him about it.)

While I do not know if he really does have connections that would just
come by the house and "shoot" us up.  It does make me concerned, even
though I did not want to let him know that I am concerned.

January 5, 2011

Our 15 year old son only had an awakening for
a couple of days.  He is back to the same old habits.  He was gone most of
winter break, only coming home in the morning to sleep and sneak out
again.

Saturday night, he told us that if he was allowed to go to a friend's
house, he would get up in the morning and go to church with us without any
argument.  So we gave in.  The next morning he refused to get up.  When
his mother reminded him of his promise he swore at her.  She told him that
he needed to make some major changes in his life if he plans to continue
to live in the house.  He told her that he will be gone then.  When we got
home from church, he was gone and we could tell that he had been through
several of the bedrooms in the house.  That night, I sent him a text and
he told me that he was kicked out of the house.  I responded that we love
him too much to just send him on his own at 15.  I reminded him of the
statement that he wanted to make some changes in his life when we brought
him home from the police station and we are willing to help him to make
those changes.  He responded "I don't really anymore."  I sent him a
message "We love you too much to just let you out on your own.  If you are
not willing to make changes, we will work something else out.  But we have
to know that you are in a safe environment."  At this, he stopped texting
me.  I started calling around and found him at the second house that I
called.  He came home on his own then.

Monday night, our middle son realized that his new mp3 player/camera that
he received for Christmas was missing.  Tuesday morning when I went to use
the computer, I realized that the USB cord for the mouse was also missing.
I asked our middle son if the cord by any chance fit his mp3
player/camera.  He told me that it would but he had his own short cord
that he would use to charge it and never used the mouse cord.  My
suspension is that our 15 year old son took the mouse cord with the mp3
player/camera to sell it.

Our 15 year old also got a iPod nano for Christmas that one of his friends
was selling to get money to buy presents.  We have noticed that he has not
been listening to the iPod since after getting it for Christmas.  When
asked about it, he tells us that it is around somewhere.  We now are
wondering if this was a setup with his friend to get the money to pay off
a drug debt or to buy more drugs and that after Christmas, he gave the
iPod back.

We have also received our son's grades.  A B average student has now
received one B (from a teacher who just transferred in from the
alternative high school that was closed and knows how to work with
troubled youth), 4 Ds, and an F.

We have called a boarding school for troubled youth but there tuition is $5,000
a month.  Since my paycheck is no way near that much, there is NO WAY that we
can afford this.  I then called another program.  I was informed that even
before approaching the insurance
company to have him admitted that he would need to go into the hospital
for two days for a psychological evaluation.  When asked if he had any
suggestions on how we can get our son to do this, he responded that this
is the biggest obstacle that he sees over and over.

We feel like whenever we try to help our son, we hit a brick wall.  First
the police tell us that if we suspect him using drugs to call them and
they will conduct a drug test.  We do this and are told that they cannot
administer a drug test but that we can take him to the hospital and have
them administer the test and that will let us know as parents what we are
dealing with.  We already know what we are dealing with -- we need some
legal percussion.  We try to get him to go to counseling and he refuses.
We talk him into going to a 12 step program and he goes once (if he really
did go at all -- which now I am starting to wonder about).  We try to get
him into a residential program and either it costs too much or he needs a
psychological evaluation -- which he will refuse to go to.

We know this has to stop, for our family and for our son.  But at 15 years
old, we cannot send him out on his own.  We realize that we cannot do this
on our own, especially since we are constantly  hitting brick walls.  We
somehow have to find someone that can help us find help for his.

He has pleaded with us to emancipate him.  He has posted it on
his Facebook page:

SON
i wana get emancipated
August 31, 2010 at 6:06am via iPhone ·
*
*
*
o
FRIEND #1
 go for it.
August 31, 2010 at 7:15am · LikeUnlike
o
FRIEND #2
Me too brotha me too
August 31, 2010 at 8:34am · LikeUnlike
o
AUNT
What's up, buddy?
August 31, 2010 at 4:05pm · LikeUnlike
o
MOM
n consequences are not always easy to
live with, but good or bad they are always there!
August 31, 2010 at 6:57pm · LikeUnlike
o
SON
yah watch the next week and say that to
yourself
August 31, 2010 at 7:32pm · LikeUnlike
o
FRIEND #2
Dude Im movin out soon and we can try to get
an apartment together, Im not movin out till Im 18 tho but
thats only 9 months
August 31, 2010 at 8:23pm · LikeUnlike

SON dude im down i wana move out soon as i can
August 31, 2010 at 10:31pm · LikeUnlike
o
FRIEND #2
Hell ya brotha, my homelife sucks sometimes, I
know ya got it bad, haha I laughed so hard at that story you
told me at school today about bible school lol
August 31, 2010 at 11:10pm · Like

He has even talked to the police officer at school about being
emancipated.  The police officer told him that it is not that easy and he
has never seen a judge actually emancipated any teenager.

December 19, 2010

Well, last night we got a call from the police department.  Our 15 year
old son was picked up for shoplifting alcohol from a grocery store.  When
approached by the security guard, he pulled out the bottle.  The security
guard grabbed the bottle and put his arm around our son and our son went
to run.  He grabbed him and they got into an altercation which our son
received a black eye and the bottle broke.  He was picked up by the city
police department and taken to the police station.  When told he could
call one adult, he chose to call the bishop of our congregation. (He said
that he was pulled between contacting another adult or the bishop and
finally decided to call the bishop.)

He was in a very humble mood last night and admitted to dealing marijuana,
smoking cigarettes very heavily, that this was not his first time
shoplifting alcohol, and that the night before he was smoking marijuana
laced with crack.  He ended up sleeping in the cold in a van.  He says he
wants to change but is not sure if he is going to be able to say no to his
friends.