Sunday, April 1, 2012

November 27, 2010 (Later that day)

After calling the friend's cell phone this morning and leaving a message,
he called back about 11:00.  He swears up and down that we gave him
permission.  I don't understand how he could have gotten that out of the
conversation at all.  I do not know if he was on some drugs that warped
his memory or if there is a legitimate brain disconnect.  (This is an
issue that we have seen since at least 3 years old.  His memories are
totally created by himself and are not always fit into reality.)

We went and picked him up, telling the parent that he did not have
permission to spend the night and that she needs to call us the next time
he comes over to make sure that he has permission.

He totally flipped out and ran away.  We followed him in the car trying to
convince him to come home.  He told us that the streets are his home, that
he is F-ing tired of this.  We told him that we are tired of this as well.
 Being up three nights in a row worried about him has worn us down.  We
finally convinced him to come home.

We went over the list of expectation that we wrote out yesterday with him:
-No more sneaking out of the house (i.e., windows, etc.)
-No more smoking (cigarettes, marijuana, or anything else)
-No sneaking around (come in without us knowing)
-We need to know where you are
-You need to be honest with us (completely)
-Watch your language
-No more taking anything that doesn't belong to you
-No illegal activities or anything that you could get a ticket for
-Come home on time

He told us that they were not doing anything wrong.  We went through the
list.  While he did keep some of the things, there were others that he did
not keep.  He then told us that we do not need to know where he is.  It is
his own life and we do not have to live his life.  We explained to him
that his life does effect us and everyone in the family.  He said that it
does not have too.  We told him that since we love him, it does and we
cannot stop loving him no matter what, so no matter what it will effect
us.

He told us that we are not really responsible if we do not know and it is
better for us not to know.  We told him that as a minor, we are
responsible.  He said that we think parents are these all great things
that are to tell minors what they can and cannot do and that minors can
not make it on there own without parents.  We told him that we know minors
have made it on their own but it is not as easy.  He said that they are
happier though.  We talked to him about our daughter's friend who has been
kicked out of her house and has to live in her grandmother's attic where
there is no heat or air so it is extremely hot in the summer and extremely
cold in the winter.  She would love to be able to live with her mom.  She
would love not having her father run from the law because he started a
fire in the house caused by a meth lab.  She has told him several times
that he is so lucky to have a family that cares, to eat dinners together,
to go on family vacations, to spend Sundays together as a family.  He told
us yes, but that it not what is important to me.

I brought out the condom and asked him about the condom.  He said that it
is not his, he did not place it in his bedroom, someone left it there but
he is not telling who.  We asked him if he knew why we would be concerned.
 He told us that we believe that sex is sacred and should be kept for
marriage.  We asked him if he believed that.  He said that he does not
believe a lot of what we believe.  We asked if he is having sex and he
said that he is not.  We asked if there would be other reasons why we
would be concerned.  He said that we do not want him having a baby.  We
told him that is another good reason.  Then we find this and he is gone
all night, we do not know what he is doing or with who.  It is scary.  He
then responded, well I do not believe in everything that you believe. He
asked why we were in his room.  His mother responded that he is our son
and he is living in our house, but that is not the point -- we are
concerned for what is going on.  He told us that we do not have to worry
that all we need to do is ask and he will tell us.  "I'll tell you because
I don't care what you guys say, I am going to live my own life the way I
want."

Looking at a story on web of a former teen attack, this is our son.  At 13, is
when he first got involved with drugs.

He sneaks out his window constantly.

He told us that it is no big deal to smoke marijuana.  That his friends do
it and it has not affect their lives.

We have searched his room and have found evidence of items hidden in
pockets in the closet, within his boxspring of his bed, within his pillow
cases, in the vent, etc.

A teenager of a family friend informed us that Daniel had him drop by the
park one night where they were smoking marijuana because he had to pick
something up.

He has skipped school recently to go skating with friends instead of
hanging out at school.

We give him very little money.  But all of us have had money and items
stolen.  My daughter's candy sales money came up missing, which we had to
replace.  Money that she was saving for her upcoming trip to Orlando to
play in the Citrus Bowl came up missing.  She had to raise more money to
replace that.  Our 11 year old son (who does not have much opportunity to
raise money) has been frustrated because whenever he gets money it comes
up missing, no matter where he tries to hide it.  The two younger boys (14
and 11) were selling popcorn.  They had collected several hundred dollars.
 Daniel kept asking about the money.  We kept it hidden in the van locked
in a under the seat compartment.  We immediately contacted the scoutmaster
and met him to give him the money.  We knew there was no way we could
replace the money if it came up missing.  It is horrible that we have to
live in fear like this in our own house.

We have found little stems and leafy substances in the bottom of his bookbag.

He is constantly going through mood changes.  One minute, we think we got
through to him and he seems that he is going to be straightening up.  Then
suddenly he will be so angry -- what has happened?  Little an hour ago
when he left he was perfectly fine, now he is getting mad at us?

We have given him one spur of the moment drug test, which he failed for
THC and Opiates.

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