February 2011

Well, he has been off to the boarding school and seemed to be doing better.

A blizzard has hit and has dumped over two feet of snow.  With the blowing of the roads, the driveway is buried.  Our son was brought back to town for a follow-up with the psychologist for when he was in the psych ward.  One kid took the opportunity to run and one of the staff members went after him.  Suddenly our son realized that there was only one staff member left and about 6 kids.  He knew that if he ran, the staff member would not leave the other students.  So he ran.  Our driveway was still buried when we got the phone call.  We finally got dug out and went around looking for him.  One parent called and said that he had called their son for a ride out of town but was told because of all the snow they could not drive.  He said that he has been getting that a lot.

That night, our daughter's friend called her cousin and found out that he was there.  We called the police and they said they had to come by the house to take a report first before going out to get him.  We informed them that the school already had a missing person report on him.  They said that had to come anyway.  An hour and half later, they finally showed up.  After filing the report with them, we went out looking for him and could not find him.

The next morning, a mother of a friend of his dropped by.  She had found our son's backpack in her son's van that had been left about a month ago.  I thought at first that he had left it there recently and was disappoint when I found out that it had been a while back. I explained that he had ran from the school and was on the run.  She said if she heard anything she would contact us.

Then we got a call from a police officer.  Since the schools were closed because of the storm, he (who was the intermediate school liaison officer) was being assigned to the case.  We met with him and gave him a list of numbers of friends.

When we got back, we got a call from the mother who stopped by before.  She just got a call from our son and had dropped off her son at a house to meet up with him.  We sent a message to the police officer and then got a call back from her that they all just showed up at her house.  We sent a message to the police officer and he went to the house.  They were in the process of using drugs when the officers showed up at the house.

We met with him at the police station.  He informed us that he wanted to prove to us that he could go without using but was upset because in less than 24 hours he was back to it.  He told us that he realized that he needed help.  We convinced him to go back to the school.  This time he wanted to go back willingly because the last time he saw us, he was punching walls at the psych ward because we would not take him out.  That thought had haunted him for the past couple of weeks.  So we headed back to the school with him.

January 10, 2011

Our 15 year old son was seen by the
Psychologist today.  When he was notified that he was not going home today, he punch a hole in the wall.  He was then sent to the time-out room.  As he was in the room, he kept telling the psychologist to stop looking at him and he was told that once he decided to stop being defiant and set down and talk, it will be over.  Eventually the psychologist left the room and told the staff that he is not safe to go home and will need to be sent to a facility and that he will have to be transported by a deputy -- it is not safe for the family to transport him.

We plan on visiting the school tomorrow and start making arrangements.

January 9, 2011 (Later)

He was placed on the psych floor at about 3:00 AM
this morning.  We finished the admission process after 4:00 AM.  He started signing the paperwork and then suddenly decided that he was not going to stay.  He thought he would be released the next morning and the nurse stayed that he will probably be there for 6 - 10 days.  Well, he through a fit.  He said that he would go crazy if he was to stay for 10 days.  The nurse responded that he is then in the perfect place.  He said the he is going to just leave and she reminded him that he is in a locked facility.  He then said that he was going to break out.  She responded that she has been there several years and nobody has every escaped.  He told her to watch and he will be the first.  He went on and on that we are a bunch of liars.  We got him arrested twice for nothing. That his friends have his back not his family.  His friends are the ones that care for him not his family.  His friends would have known that he was not going to kill himself.  His friends would have never called the police on him.  The nurse responded that is because his parents love him and his friends don't.  He that became louder and louder about leaving.  They finally told him that he needed to just go to bed or they would have to call security.  They took him to his room and got him settled down and to sleep.  It was suggested that we just drop of clothes for him today and not visit since his only purpose will be to try to convince us to release him.

His primary care doctor (who is also the minister of our congregation at church) stopped by to see him today.  He said that he is very angry at us for calling the police.  He is not sorry at all and does not see that he is doing anything wrong.  He told us that he will probably be released either tomorrow or Tuesday because they do not feel that he is a threat to himself.

We talked to a boarding school for troubled youth.  After we talk to the psychologist tomorrow, we are to call the school back with more information.

January 9, 2010

We are currently in the ER. He called us later tonight and wanted a friend to stay the night. We told him that either his friend and him need to go to church in the morning with us or they both will need to be up and gone before we leave. He through a fit and them asked if he could stay at a friends house. I told him if we can talk to the parents. He then called later and asked what I would tell the parents. I told him that I would let them know our family rules, no drinking, smoking, or drug use. He through a fit and then said he was going to come home to kick my ass. He came home yelling at us for telling other parents. He reeked of alcohol. I told him that all of the parents that we have talked to in the past appreciated our rules and the concern that we have for our children. He eventually yelled out to just give him a phone and he will call someone to buy a gun and he will kill himself. I immediately called 911. Two police officers came to the house and arrested him for consumption of alcohol by a minor and took him to the ER. They did a alcohol test and he has a blood alcohol level of .134. He is being admitted to the psych floor as I type this. He has met with us twice already to try to convince us to take him home. He is now in the hall talking to the hospital staff trying to convince them to release him.

January 8, 2011

Our 15 year old son lost his cell phone.  I
did locate it later and found that he was asking for "herbs" from a certain
number.  We kept the cell phone.

Thursday, he served In-School Suspension for skipping school on Wednesday,
did not come home from school but called and had me pick him up from the
mall after work and he went with us to his brother's wrestling match.

Friday, he did not come home from school (actually skipped the last class)
but came home at 8:00 and watched a movie with us.

Saturday (today), he asked us for some money to go bowling or a movie.  We
told him that he could go see a movie if he wanted because his sister was
working but we were not going to give him money.  He took his backpack and
left.  A few minutes later, he called and told my wife that if we did not
give him money he was going to get someone to loan him $100 worth of weed
and he will sell it to get his money.  My wife told him we are not giving
him any money.  He hung up on her and we called the police.  The police
officer told us that he would be going over to the friend's house to see
if he was still there and that we should go to the bowling alley to see if
he is there with his friends.  As the police officer was heading to his
friend's house, I called to see if he was still there.  He was and I
mentioned that he did not have permission to leave the house.  He said
"What do you mean I did not have permission to leave?"  I was silent
because I was not sure how to answer that.  He just had a conversation
with his mother about him leaving out the back door.  He then said, well
if you are not going to saying anything then I am going to hang up and
did.  A few minutes later, the police officer showed up at our house with
him.  He was extremely mad.  After the police officer left, he told us
that once he is out of this house we will never see him again.  We tried
to talk to him and stood in front of him.  He jumped on the tote for the
Christmas Tree that I had been packing up and broke the tote trying to get
around us.  His mother blocked him as he tried to go out the front door
and I grabbed him and blocked him as he tried to go out the back door.  He
ran downstairs and out the garage door.

He called a few minutes later and asked why we called the police on him
when he was not doing anything wrong but chilling out with friends.  I
told him that he had told us that he was going to be dealing drugs and
that is wrong.  He told me that we knew that he was not going to be
dealing drugs.  I told him that we do not know that, he has in the passed
and told us that if we did not give him money that he would do it now.  He
went on that he was not doing anything and we had him picked up for
nothing.  I kept on telling him but saying that he is going to deal drugs
is something and that we are concerned and love him.  He told us that we
don't really love him.  He said that we tell him that we love him but we
make these promises but never keep them.  I asked him what have we
promised that we have not kept.  He then told me that he has nothing.  We
have taken his bike away, he no longer has a skateboard, he has no money
to go do anything, and he does not even have money in his account to buy
lunches.  I told him that he was misusing his lunch money so we stopped
putting money in.  He then told me that we do nothing for him.  I told him
that if he straightens up, we will work on getting his bike back, put
money in his lunch account, and may even give money for somethings but he
also has to realize we do not have money just to give him whenever he
wants it.  He said that he tried to change but we did not give his bike
back.  I told him that we told him that he is not automatically just going
to get the bike back, he has to give time to show that change is taking
place.  I mentioned that in the conversation he had with us after getting
picked up for shoplifting alcohol, he said that he has only been able to
go three days without using before and it was only two days this time and
he was back to the same thing.  He then replied, no it was three or four
days.  I responded, like I said you stated you cannot go more than three
days without using and this proves what you said.  He said that he does
not remember saying that.  Then he started in that family does not call
the police on their family.  I told him that we love him and are concerned
about him and if we think he is going to be dealing, then yes we are going
to call the police.  He said that he will just give us names of people to
call the police on and then we will be taken care of.  I told him that he
is our family and we are concerned about him.  He then told me that he can
make a call and have someone come by in the morning and shoot up the house
and then you'll see that you don't call the police on people.  I told him
that this is what makes us concerned that he hangs out with people or has
connections with people who will go around shooting people up.  This is
not a safe environment.  He told me that he did not need family, he has
people and those people have is back.  I told him that no matter what, we
will always love him and are there for him.  He has a place to come home
to and we are willing to work with him to help him make the changes
necessary.  He went on that he was never going to come home, I told him
that we will always love him and when he has decided to make some changes
that we are here to help.  He asked me what I wanted him to do.  I told
him that if he comes home now and sits down and talks to us, we will work
with him to get him into a drug recovery program.  He told me that he
already goes to Celebrating Recovery.  I asked him when was the last time
he has gone and he told me it was over a week ago.  I told him that is the
problem.  Then he started in that he is not coming home because he is not
going to be sent away.  I told him that we can even check on an outpatient
program.  He went on and on about not being sent away.  I asked him if he
knew what a outpatient program is and he told me know so I explained that
he would go on a daily basis but would come home.  He told me that he was
not going to any program that we just need to leave him alone.  I told him
that we are not going to leave him alone that we care about him too much.
He told me that we are never going to make him like we are and that we
just need to stop and when he is 18, he will leave and never see us again.
 I told him that whether he is 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 30, 40, 50, and on
that we are going to love him and be concerned about him, whether you are
here or not.  We are not going to leave him alone.  I told him that if he
continues to do drugs, use alcohol, steal from his siblings or parents, no
he is not welcome here but we will find a safe place for him.  He told me
that there are parents who have tried to put their kids in foster care and
they are much worse then him and they cannot do it.  He then said "You
think I am the worst kids in the world but I am not."  I told him that we
have told him over and over that he is not.  We love the person he is, we
just do not love the actions that he is doing.  He started in again on how
we called the police for no reason and I told him that he need to own up
to the fact that he said he was going to deal drugs.  He told me that we
knew he was not going to and I told him that we did not know that.  He
told me that he does not want to come home because he will punch my face
in but that he need to cool off and would call me at 6:00.  He asked if I
was going to call the police on him.  I told him that if he promises me
that he will not drink or use illegal drugs and lets me know where he will
be, then I will not call the police.  He then says "It is too early to
drink.  Those things don't start happening until 8 or 9:00."  I said okay.
 Then you will not be drinking any alcohol.  He said no.  I said then you
will not be using any drugs.  He said that he will smoke cigarettes.  I
said what about illegal drugs.  No.  I said then you will not be using
illegal drugs.  He said "I already said no."  I told him as long as I know
that he is safe then that is fine but you must call me by 6:00.  He says
"Bitch" as he hangs up to phone.

A few minutes later, he come in.  Tells me that he does not want to talk
to me or he will be beating me up.  Grabs the phone and calls his friend
and made arrangements to go back to his friend.  Then he left.

I called the friend's house and spoke with the grandmother.  I explained
to her that he is welcome there but that the reason we called the police
is because he told us that he was going to be dealing drugs.  He told us
when the police brought him home that he was not really going to and we
told him then do not saying you are going to if you really are not going
to.  She agreed.  She said she knew something was up because he had told
her that his mother had kicked him out and then I called looking for him
(last Sunday).  I told her that we told him that he could not stay if he
did not change but we also have told him that we will not just leave him
out on the streets that we need to know that he is in a safe environment.
She said that she has heard of these tough love places that could be setup
and leave a note on the door telling them that they are not welcome to
come back in but they are welcome at this place and leave the address.  I
told her that we are never just going to kick him out especially with him
being a minor.  She said she knew something was going on beyond what he
was telling.  She told us that she has told everybody that comes into her
house that if they are doing drugs or using alcohol, she will call the
police.  I told her that he needs some safe places to go and that is why
we are not concerned about him going over there, that the issue was him
saying that he was going to deal drugs.  She said that she would talk to
her daughter before he is allowed back in.

A few minutes later, my son calls us back and told me that I had to call
his friend's grandmother and apologize for being such a dick.  I told him
that I have talked with the grandmother and explained things.  Then he
said "Have you told her that I am dealing drugs, because you know I am
not."  I told him that I told her why we called the police and that it had
nothing to do with her.  He said "So you told her I am a drug dealer."  I
told him no, I told her that what you said and that you had no intentions
of actually dealing and that I had told you that you should not say you
will then.  Then he was all mad again "I am so mad that I want to punch
you in the face."  I told him that she is concerned about her grandson and
his friends just as we are concerned.  She even said that she would call
the police on her grandson if he was using.  So family does call the
police on family at times.  He said, "Yeah she has told me that but I
don't see how that has to do with anything."  I said, she is concerned and
you need to talk to her and see if you can go over there.  She does not
think you are a drug dealer.  That calmed him down a little.  He told me
that he is still mad but not as mad.  He then told me that he is wasting
this guys minutes and needed to hand up.  I told him "then I will hear
from you at 6:00?"  He says "Bitch" and hangs up the phone.  (Somewhere in
the conversation, it also came up that he knows we have his cell phone and
that we need to stop lying to him about it.)

While I do not know if he really does have connections that would just
come by the house and "shoot" us up.  It does make me concerned, even
though I did not want to let him know that I am concerned.

January 5, 2011

Our 15 year old son only had an awakening for
a couple of days.  He is back to the same old habits.  He was gone most of
winter break, only coming home in the morning to sleep and sneak out
again.

Saturday night, he told us that if he was allowed to go to a friend's
house, he would get up in the morning and go to church with us without any
argument.  So we gave in.  The next morning he refused to get up.  When
his mother reminded him of his promise he swore at her.  She told him that
he needed to make some major changes in his life if he plans to continue
to live in the house.  He told her that he will be gone then.  When we got
home from church, he was gone and we could tell that he had been through
several of the bedrooms in the house.  That night, I sent him a text and
he told me that he was kicked out of the house.  I responded that we love
him too much to just send him on his own at 15.  I reminded him of the
statement that he wanted to make some changes in his life when we brought
him home from the police station and we are willing to help him to make
those changes.  He responded "I don't really anymore."  I sent him a
message "We love you too much to just let you out on your own.  If you are
not willing to make changes, we will work something else out.  But we have
to know that you are in a safe environment."  At this, he stopped texting
me.  I started calling around and found him at the second house that I
called.  He came home on his own then.

Monday night, our middle son realized that his new mp3 player/camera that
he received for Christmas was missing.  Tuesday morning when I went to use
the computer, I realized that the USB cord for the mouse was also missing.
I asked our middle son if the cord by any chance fit his mp3
player/camera.  He told me that it would but he had his own short cord
that he would use to charge it and never used the mouse cord.  My
suspension is that our 15 year old son took the mouse cord with the mp3
player/camera to sell it.

Our 15 year old also got a iPod nano for Christmas that one of his friends
was selling to get money to buy presents.  We have noticed that he has not
been listening to the iPod since after getting it for Christmas.  When
asked about it, he tells us that it is around somewhere.  We now are
wondering if this was a setup with his friend to get the money to pay off
a drug debt or to buy more drugs and that after Christmas, he gave the
iPod back.

We have also received our son's grades.  A B average student has now
received one B (from a teacher who just transferred in from the
alternative high school that was closed and knows how to work with
troubled youth), 4 Ds, and an F.

We have called a boarding school for troubled youth but there tuition is $5,000
a month.  Since my paycheck is no way near that much, there is NO WAY that we
can afford this.  I then called another program.  I was informed that even
before approaching the insurance
company to have him admitted that he would need to go into the hospital
for two days for a psychological evaluation.  When asked if he had any
suggestions on how we can get our son to do this, he responded that this
is the biggest obstacle that he sees over and over.

We feel like whenever we try to help our son, we hit a brick wall.  First
the police tell us that if we suspect him using drugs to call them and
they will conduct a drug test.  We do this and are told that they cannot
administer a drug test but that we can take him to the hospital and have
them administer the test and that will let us know as parents what we are
dealing with.  We already know what we are dealing with -- we need some
legal percussion.  We try to get him to go to counseling and he refuses.
We talk him into going to a 12 step program and he goes once (if he really
did go at all -- which now I am starting to wonder about).  We try to get
him into a residential program and either it costs too much or he needs a
psychological evaluation -- which he will refuse to go to.

We know this has to stop, for our family and for our son.  But at 15 years
old, we cannot send him out on his own.  We realize that we cannot do this
on our own, especially since we are constantly  hitting brick walls.  We
somehow have to find someone that can help us find help for his.

He has pleaded with us to emancipate him.  He has posted it on
his Facebook page:

SON
i wana get emancipated
August 31, 2010 at 6:06am via iPhone ·
*
*
*
o
FRIEND #1
 go for it.
August 31, 2010 at 7:15am · LikeUnlike
o
FRIEND #2
Me too brotha me too
August 31, 2010 at 8:34am · LikeUnlike
o
AUNT
What's up, buddy?
August 31, 2010 at 4:05pm · LikeUnlike
o
MOM
n consequences are not always easy to
live with, but good or bad they are always there!
August 31, 2010 at 6:57pm · LikeUnlike
o
SON
yah watch the next week and say that to
yourself
August 31, 2010 at 7:32pm · LikeUnlike
o
FRIEND #2
Dude Im movin out soon and we can try to get
an apartment together, Im not movin out till Im 18 tho but
thats only 9 months
August 31, 2010 at 8:23pm · LikeUnlike

SON dude im down i wana move out soon as i can
August 31, 2010 at 10:31pm · LikeUnlike
o
FRIEND #2
Hell ya brotha, my homelife sucks sometimes, I
know ya got it bad, haha I laughed so hard at that story you
told me at school today about bible school lol
August 31, 2010 at 11:10pm · Like

He has even talked to the police officer at school about being
emancipated.  The police officer told him that it is not that easy and he
has never seen a judge actually emancipated any teenager.

December 19, 2010

Well, last night we got a call from the police department.  Our 15 year
old son was picked up for shoplifting alcohol from a grocery store.  When
approached by the security guard, he pulled out the bottle.  The security
guard grabbed the bottle and put his arm around our son and our son went
to run.  He grabbed him and they got into an altercation which our son
received a black eye and the bottle broke.  He was picked up by the city
police department and taken to the police station.  When told he could
call one adult, he chose to call the bishop of our congregation. (He said
that he was pulled between contacting another adult or the bishop and
finally decided to call the bishop.)

He was in a very humble mood last night and admitted to dealing marijuana,
smoking cigarettes very heavily, that this was not his first time
shoplifting alcohol, and that the night before he was smoking marijuana
laced with crack.  He ended up sleeping in the cold in a van.  He says he
wants to change but is not sure if he is going to be able to say no to his
friends.

December 18, 2010

This is the third weekend that our 15 year old son has not come home on
Friday night.  He does not come home from school on Friday nights.  We
have no idea where he is and he refuses to tell us.  He has been kicked
off of the wrestling team (he wrestled for the first time last year and
was immediately placed on varsity, but the coach could not trust him on
overnight trips -- which I totally understand).  He has been constantly
tardy to classes and skipping, to the point Monday the school had to give
him Out of School Suspension because he refuses to go to detention or
attend Saturday school.

We used to call the police and file a missing person report each time he
did not come home, but we feel like we are wasting the police officers
time having him come out and file a report to have him show up was the
weekend is over.  He has lost his bike (it has been removed from the home)
in hopes that it would wake him up -- but it hasn't.  He has been told
that we will not take him out driving to obtain his driving hours until he
has straightened up and is clean of drugs.  He tells us then he will drive
with his friends.

He has just had to meet before the judge for his second offense.  The
first time was last month when launching golf balls over the bypass (they
also found cigarettes, a lighter, and a recipe for homemade opium on him
but handed that over to us to take care of), which he got a $201 ticket
for with agreement to pay $20 / month.  This month he had to meet before
the judge for fighting, which he got another $201 ticket with an agreement
to pay an additional $20 / month.  Being 15 years old, he does not have a
job and has no motivation to do odd jobs in the neighborhood.  He told us
that he can get the money because kids at school owe him over $100.  When
we asked why they owe him, he tells us that it is just stupid stuff that
he does not want to tell us.  (I fear that he is dealing drugs).

We are at a loss of what to do.  Nothing that we do helps.  We have three
other children.  All of us are suffering from this and as parents, we have
no idea what to do.

December 10, 2010

He is not involved in an official gang, as far as I know, although his
group of friends are a very tight knit group.  They cover for one another,
do not "nark" on each other, they follow street law not legal law.  When
one kid was bugging some of his friends, he took care of it by setting up
a fight with the kid.  The kid called his father and told his father that
he needed to show up at a specific time because their were rumors that
someone was going to try to fight him.  From the story that I have gotten,
my son attacked the kid at the designated time and place and the kid did
not fight back.  As he was viciously pounding on the kid, the father
showed up and my son ran.  Later the police caught up with him and he
received a ticket for fighting.  He is very upset that the other kid did
not get a ticket but as I told him the other kid did not fight back.

During the incident that had been described before of when he sneaked out
of his room on the night of Black Friday, we received calls from someone
that I thought was him playing around with us.  When I told him what they
had said on the phone, he got very angry with a specific person.  This
same person also burned him several times with a lighter at the mall on
Black Friday.  We asked why he did not get the mall security and he said
he does not nark on people, he just gets even.  We told him that he cannot
afford another ticket.  He told us that he does not have to do anything,
he has people.  Later that day, he told us that we do not have to worry
about the kid that called us, that he had him taken care of.  My wife
commented that we had told him that he cannot afford another ticket and he
told us that he did not have to do anything but his people have his back.

As for the drug issue.  In 8th grade (two years ago), he did start getting
involved in drug dealing.  He was busy gathering contacts of people
wanting drugs for a drug dealer.  We found the list of names and informed
the school police liaison that we had the list but never heard back from
the police officer.  Eventually he told us that this is how one works into
the business.  You gather contacts first to see if they can trust you.  I
was shocked at how much he knew about drug dealing and where the drugs
were coming from and the network involved in drug dealing.

Lately, I fear that he is dealing drugs again.  In September, he was
arrested for launching golf balls over a by-pass.  One hit a car but did
not cause any damage.  Him and four friends were arrested.  They found
cigarettes, a lighter, and a recipe for homemade Opium on his position.
The police officer decided to hand it over to us for us to deal with since
this was his first offense.  (Now I think this was a big mistake).  I was
upset when the police officer showed me the recipe and I stated that we
will not be taking him home until he admits to where he got the recipe.
Our son stated that he had gotten it off of the Internet.  He was asked if
he had been using Opium and he stated that no he has not, that he was
planning on making it and selling it to make some money.  The police
officer had a frank discussion with him about how that is not where he
wants to go.

Recently, our digital kitchen scale has come up missing.  The only reason
we can come up with that it is missing is because he is using it for
measuring out drugs.

In talking to him about how he is going to get the money to pay for his
fine for the golf ball incident, he told us that he has people that owe
him over $100.  When asked why people were oweing him money, especially
since he does not have a job or a source of money, he kept on saying "All
I will say is that it is some stupid stuff."  We asked him what stupid
stuff specifically and he would just reply "Just stupid stuff."

He had a broken down iPod (with a cracked screen).  I believe that this
was his contact with those that he is dealing drugs too.  That is why when
we locked out his wifi connection, he threw a complete fit, to the point
that he started punching me, his father.

When he lost his iPod, right before Thanksgiving weekend, he stoled my
cell phone for three days.  I believe that since he did not have his iPod
anymore, he needed another source of private contact so he took my cell
phone.

After him being out over Thanksgiving weekend without us knowing where he
was (Wednesday night -- he had sneaked back into the house but hid in the
basement and we found him after having filed a missing person report with
the police office;  Thursday night -- he went to bed at 11:30 and by 12:15
am when we checked his room, he was not there and did not show up until
10:00 AM; Friday night -- he called with a friends cell phone after having
been gone all day wanting to know if he could stay the night at a friend's
house, I told him no and that I would pick him up.  He gave me the address
to pick him up but it was a bogus address.  The next morning when we found
him, he swore up and down that we had given him permission to stay the
night -- and it was like he really believed it himself.  Saturday night,
he did come home but it was extremely late), we decided to get him a cell
phone that he could at least contact us and let us know where he is.
(Especially after an entire holiday weekend of almost no sleep).

Since he has the cell phone, he has calmed down a lot.  Still is out a
lot, has been tardy to many of his classes (although not truant lately),
but we at least know where he is and most of the time he has us pick him
up instead of catching a ride with other kids -- of whom we do not know
how trustworthy they are.

While I do not have proof that he is dealing drugs, both his mother and I
are extremely concerned because of the signs that we see.

December 2, 2010

Things have been somewhat better since school has started back up.
Tuesday, he did not come home after school -- but did call my wife and
told her where he was.  He came home early (5:30pm), had dinner with the
family, setup the Christmas Tree, and then had us take him to the YMCA to
workout for about an hour.  I picked him up afterward.

Wednesday went very smooth (I guess as I work late Wednesday nights).  He
had to serve after school detention and called my wife to pick him up
after the detention.  He went to a couple of friends' houses for the
evening as he refused to go to the church for activities.   By the time
that my wife returned to home, he was at home.

Last night as we were going to bed, we were watching a recording of Dr.
Phil on an intervention of Jamie.  I saw ourselves in the mother of Jamie.
 At least we are trying to seek help for him, but we do let him bully us
around.  He does threaten us all the time that he is going to run away and
we will no longer see him and then "Won't you be sorry."  We walk on
eggshells to try to keep things calm.  I grew up in an alcoholic home and
this is what we did to keep "peace" in the home then.  I have found myself
reverting back to this. The "funny" thing is, I would never call how the
home feel right now or back then as peaceful. We do not want to be like
Jamie's mother, but we also need help.  We do not know what to do either.
One thing that I realized from the show last night, we are as sick as our
son.

November 28, 2010

This evening has been a little better.  We
finally gave in and gave him the use of a cell phone.  Even though he was
gone most of the day, he did keep us informed most of the day where he
was.  The problem was he was supposed to come home at 9:30.  He texted at
9:30 saying that he was getting ready to eat at McDonalds and wanted to
know if he could come home later.  I told him that since I was getting
ready to pick up his sister from pep band at the basketball game that I
would pick him up at McDonalds, thinking he would be at the McDonalds
right next to the mall, since he was supposedly at the mall most of the day.  His
sister works at the movie theater and decided to take her brothers to see
the new Harry Potter movie.  So we texted him and asked if he would like
to see the movie.  He said yes, so I dropped our daughter and the second
oldest son off at the movie theater and went to pick him up at McDonalds
which is a block from the theater.  He wasn't there.  Some how he had
gotten from the mall to a McDonalds about 2 miles away.  He said that he
had a ride and would be there is about 5 minutes.  After about 1/2 hour, I
finally got in contact with him and he was only able to get a ride halfway
there and it was too late to get him into the movie.

I brought him home.  We told him that we will need the cell phone because
it is for the use while he's out so we can get a hold of him.  He has gone
back to his bedroom without giving us the phone.  Altogether, it has been
a better day though.

November 27, 2010 (Later that day)

After calling the friend's cell phone this morning and leaving a message,
he called back about 11:00.  He swears up and down that we gave him
permission.  I don't understand how he could have gotten that out of the
conversation at all.  I do not know if he was on some drugs that warped
his memory or if there is a legitimate brain disconnect.  (This is an
issue that we have seen since at least 3 years old.  His memories are
totally created by himself and are not always fit into reality.)

We went and picked him up, telling the parent that he did not have
permission to spend the night and that she needs to call us the next time
he comes over to make sure that he has permission.

He totally flipped out and ran away.  We followed him in the car trying to
convince him to come home.  He told us that the streets are his home, that
he is F-ing tired of this.  We told him that we are tired of this as well.
 Being up three nights in a row worried about him has worn us down.  We
finally convinced him to come home.

We went over the list of expectation that we wrote out yesterday with him:
-No more sneaking out of the house (i.e., windows, etc.)
-No more smoking (cigarettes, marijuana, or anything else)
-No sneaking around (come in without us knowing)
-We need to know where you are
-You need to be honest with us (completely)
-Watch your language
-No more taking anything that doesn't belong to you
-No illegal activities or anything that you could get a ticket for
-Come home on time

He told us that they were not doing anything wrong.  We went through the
list.  While he did keep some of the things, there were others that he did
not keep.  He then told us that we do not need to know where he is.  It is
his own life and we do not have to live his life.  We explained to him
that his life does effect us and everyone in the family.  He said that it
does not have too.  We told him that since we love him, it does and we
cannot stop loving him no matter what, so no matter what it will effect
us.

He told us that we are not really responsible if we do not know and it is
better for us not to know.  We told him that as a minor, we are
responsible.  He said that we think parents are these all great things
that are to tell minors what they can and cannot do and that minors can
not make it on there own without parents.  We told him that we know minors
have made it on their own but it is not as easy.  He said that they are
happier though.  We talked to him about our daughter's friend who has been
kicked out of her house and has to live in her grandmother's attic where
there is no heat or air so it is extremely hot in the summer and extremely
cold in the winter.  She would love to be able to live with her mom.  She
would love not having her father run from the law because he started a
fire in the house caused by a meth lab.  She has told him several times
that he is so lucky to have a family that cares, to eat dinners together,
to go on family vacations, to spend Sundays together as a family.  He told
us yes, but that it not what is important to me.

I brought out the condom and asked him about the condom.  He said that it
is not his, he did not place it in his bedroom, someone left it there but
he is not telling who.  We asked him if he knew why we would be concerned.
 He told us that we believe that sex is sacred and should be kept for
marriage.  We asked him if he believed that.  He said that he does not
believe a lot of what we believe.  We asked if he is having sex and he
said that he is not.  We asked if there would be other reasons why we
would be concerned.  He said that we do not want him having a baby.  We
told him that is another good reason.  Then we find this and he is gone
all night, we do not know what he is doing or with who.  It is scary.  He
then responded, well I do not believe in everything that you believe. He
asked why we were in his room.  His mother responded that he is our son
and he is living in our house, but that is not the point -- we are
concerned for what is going on.  He told us that we do not have to worry
that all we need to do is ask and he will tell us.  "I'll tell you because
I don't care what you guys say, I am going to live my own life the way I
want."

Looking at a story on web of a former teen attack, this is our son.  At 13, is
when he first got involved with drugs.

He sneaks out his window constantly.

He told us that it is no big deal to smoke marijuana.  That his friends do
it and it has not affect their lives.

We have searched his room and have found evidence of items hidden in
pockets in the closet, within his boxspring of his bed, within his pillow
cases, in the vent, etc.

A teenager of a family friend informed us that Daniel had him drop by the
park one night where they were smoking marijuana because he had to pick
something up.

He has skipped school recently to go skating with friends instead of
hanging out at school.

We give him very little money.  But all of us have had money and items
stolen.  My daughter's candy sales money came up missing, which we had to
replace.  Money that she was saving for her upcoming trip to Orlando to
play in the Citrus Bowl came up missing.  She had to raise more money to
replace that.  Our 11 year old son (who does not have much opportunity to
raise money) has been frustrated because whenever he gets money it comes
up missing, no matter where he tries to hide it.  The two younger boys (14
and 11) were selling popcorn.  They had collected several hundred dollars.
 Daniel kept asking about the money.  We kept it hidden in the van locked
in a under the seat compartment.  We immediately contacted the scoutmaster
and met him to give him the money.  We knew there was no way we could
replace the money if it came up missing.  It is horrible that we have to
live in fear like this in our own house.

We have found little stems and leafy substances in the bottom of his bookbag.

He is constantly going through mood changes.  One minute, we think we got
through to him and he seems that he is going to be straightening up.  Then
suddenly he will be so angry -- what has happened?  Little an hour ago
when he left he was perfectly fine, now he is getting mad at us?

We have given him one spur of the moment drug test, which he failed for
THC and Opiates.

November 27, 2010

Our 15 year old son finally returned at about 10:00 this morning after being out all night.  In confronting him about being out  all night and about taking the cell phone things erupted.

He said that he contacted someone to pick him up just before midnight  last night and sneaked out his window.  A friend had come over about  10:30 and had been waiting outside until our son was able to sneak  away.  They went over to another friends and supposedly went to sleep  (although calls were made on my cell phone constantly up to 3:47 am).   At 5:30 am, they left his friend's house and went to the mall for  Black Friday Sales.  They called a friend's mother and had her take them to the one friend's house that had been hanging outside of our house last night.  The grandmother of the friend (she  has lost several family members through gang violence, including the  friend's parents which is why she is raising her grandson) asked where  her grandson had been all night.  He told his grandmother that he was at our  house all night.  Our son confirmed that is where he was.  Our son was told that he could not stay and that is when he came home.  As he came  home we confronted him about my cell phone that he took and about his  mother's charger.  He gave them both back. 

He talked us into letting him go over to a friend's this afternoon  because they were to work on the friend's brother-in-law's lawn and  this would be a way to earn money to pay toward his ticket for  throwing golf balls over the by-pass and hitting a car.  He was told  to be back by 9:30pm.  At 9:40pm, I called and the friend that he was  with said that the last time they were together was at about 7:00 pm.

At about 10:30 pm, he called and asked if he could spend the night at  another friend's house.  I told him no, that he needed to come home.   He asked why and I told him I will come and pick him up.  He responded  that he could get a ride home.  I told him that it was no problem,  that I was very willing to pick him up.  He told me that he was at  Spring and 23rd.  So I went to pick him up and did not find him.  I  called the cell phone number that he had called me on and the kid told  me that our son was no longer there but had left.  I drove around and  around the area blocks hoping that he had just given the wrong  intersection but no luck.  Then I went to the house of the kid that he  used the cell phone.  An older brother was home and said that his  brother was not home.  (At this time it was 11:50 pm).  So I finally  returned home.

It is now almost 1:00 AM and he is not home again. This will be our  third sleepless night.  We are totally exhausted and do not know how  we are going to be able to continue this.

November 26, 2010

Last night after calling the police and filing a missing person's report, we 

found our 15 year old son hiding in the basement of the house.  He said that 

he hid because he had lost the phone.

Today we were invited to a family friend's for Thanksgiving Dinner.  We
were supposed to have brought the Black Friday ads with us to dinner but
forgot.  So after dinner, I came home to pick up the ads.  While home, I
decide to quickly check his room.  In his pillow case, I found a pack of
cigarettes, a condom, and a bottle of eye drops.  I took them from his
room and hid them and returned to our friend's house.

When we returned home, I checked online to see if the phone had been used.
 Someone has been texting a specific girl that we assume is probably his
girlfriend.  We then noticed that my wife's charger for her phone (which
is the same type as mine) is missing.  We asked him where my phone is and
he said he lost it.  I then mentioned that someone has been texting this girl
all day.  He then said, well you cannot prove its me.

While I was removing texting from the phone (through our online account),
he came into the room with a pocket knife and stood by me -- opening and
closing the knife.

He kept pacing back and forth from his room to the family room.  Then
supposedly he went to bed.  As we were getting ready for family prayers, I
went into his room to get him.  He had a group of clothes under his
blankets and his music was on.  He had escaped out his window again. 

(and this time we did check the basement).

November 25, 2010

Our son 15 year old son took my cellphone last night and took it
to school with him this morning.  As I was looking for it prior to heading
to work, I finally decided that maybe somebody picked it up.  I checked
online and found that the phone had been used recently to call some of my
son's friends.  We used my wife's phone to text the phone to see why he
had the phone.  He responded "Why don't I have my own phone."  The only
one of our four children that has their own phone is our 17 year old
daughter who pays for the phone service herself with the money she earns
from her own job.  He continued to use the phone all day, not coming home
after school.  At about 9:30 pm, when he did not come home, I started
calling the various numbers that he called to see if we can locate him. 
Several said they saw him at the mall from 7:00 - 9:00 pm but nobody knew
where he is now.

It is now 12:45 AM and he is still not home.  We really need some help.

November 21, 2010

This has been a rough week.  Every night this week, he was asked to come
home in time to eat dinner with the family but came home about 10:00PM
each night.  Wednesday night, he did come home earlier and went to church
for Wednesday evening youth activity and talk with the Bishop.  Then he
went home with one of the youth to watch a movie.  On the way back home,
he had the kid drop him and another youth off at a park.  He met up with a
group of kids smoking marijauna.  The kid that drove went home and got his
dad.  His dad then brought him home and took me outside to explain what
happened.

Thanksgiving Weekend 2010 -- The LONGEST Weekend

We went over to a friend's house to celebrate Thanksgiving together.  He continually asked when we were leaving.  I had to come home and get something that we had forgotten but left without him knowing.  When I came to the house, I quickly went through his room and found cigarettes, lighter, and a condom hidden in his pillow case.  I took the items located and then returned to the friends' house. 

That evening, when we returned home, he went to his room and we could hear him throwing things around his room.  He kept coming out very nervous and then going back in,.  Then he told us that he was going to bed.  15 minutes later, I checked his room and he was gone.  We called the police department again and filed a missing person report.

We drove all over looking for him.  He finally came in at about 10:30 and we got in an argument of where he was and what he was doing.  He had been told that he was grounded and was not to go anywhere all weekend because of the trouble he had been in lately.  He  told us that we could not tell him what to do.  He went on that we had taken everything away from him and would not even give him spending money.  We are not really parents because we are only providing him a room to sleep in and food to eat.  A good parent takes better care of their kids than that, we tried explaining that he has lost everything because of the consequences because of his actions.  He finally went to his room and fell asleep,  We check on him several times and then one time, he was gone again.  This time, he was gone until about midnight Sunday night.  We had a complete weekend, without any sleep. 

We realized that we needed help.  We could not do this on our own.  We started contacting several places and the cost of way out of our budget.  Ones that took insurance, required a two day pysch visit at the hospital.  We contact such resources as the Dr. Phil show and other resources trying to get help.  This is the start of our emails that I am putting into blog form.

Fall 2010 -- Spiraling Out of Control -- What can we do?

The next few months, things just kept getting worse and worse.  He refused to come home after school.  We were looking forward to wrestling season.  The previous year, he had joined the wrestling team.  While it was hard and he talked about quitting on several occasions, he found something that he was good at and we push to help keep him involved.  He was on the varsity team as a freshman and the coach kept telling him that when he became a senior he may even take state.  So we were hoping this would snap him out of this phase. 

Instead, he went on a binge before wrestling season began because he knew that he would have to quit during the season.  This only took him in even deeper.  So when he tried to quit for wrestling season, he was not successful.  At this time also, we suspected that he was also dealing drugs.

Prior to wrestling practice one day, he went off campus to fight another boy.  The boy did not fight back but had called his dad before telling him he thought our son was going to try to fight him after school.  Our son was pounding away on the kid when the dad showed up.  The fight broke up and he went to wrestling practice, to have the police come and pull him out of practice.  Supposedly, the other kids called the fight -- but I really began to wonder if it was a drug deal that the other kid could not pay up. 

I confronted him about it and he got all mad; that we did not trust him and just think that he does everything that is bad.

We were also missing money and items constantly.  Our older daughter found it safer to keep her money and valuables at school.

Following the fighting event, he was supposed to attend a fundraising activity at the park for wrestling and had asked if he could spend the night at a specific wrestler's house so he could make sure that he got up on time and got to the event.  We agreed but the next morning got a call from the coach asking where he was.  We asked if the specific wrestler was there and he was but had not seen our son.  I started calling around and one of the houses said that he was not there and was not allowed to be there because she overheard him on the phone one day making a drug deal,  She then called back and said that there was another kid at her house that was going by a different name and suspected that it was really our son.  We went over and it was him.  He got home and the coach called.  I handed the phone to him.  The coach talked to him for a long time and then told him that he was kicked off the team.  This was devastating to him but was not a wake up  all.

He continued to sneak out and we  continued to call him in as being missing,

August 2010  --  The Elephant in the Room is Finally Recognized, Now What?

I have a hard time remembering all of the details, but I do remember that my wife and I were out and we got calls on both of our cellphones from the police department.  They had our son at the police station and we needed to go in.  We immediately went to the police station.  Along with some friends, they had been bouncing golf balls over an overpass and had hit a car.  Luckily no damage occurred but during the arrest they found cigarettes, a lighter, and a recipe for opium in our son's possession.  I was irate.  By this time, I had bought a home drug test already.  I gave him the test and he failed for both Opiates and Cannabis.  He told us that he had been smoking marijuana on a regular basis but had not done any opiates.  I told him that was hard to believe since he had the opiate recipe in his pocket.

2008 -- The Beginning (or was it really?)

My wife had awakened our oldest son, 13 years old, for school.  Following waking him up, a horrific smell of something burning is smelled in his room.  She goes in and he tries telling her that he was just burning some paper.  The smell was not burning paper.  I went into his room as they were in the front room discussing what took place and found a bottle of Italian Seasonings, a pair of tweezers, and a partial burned "joint" of the seasonings rolled in a paper, all in a box.  I brought out the box and asked what this was.  He then admitted that he had been occasionally smoking marijuana, but that he was not a pothead.  Since he could not afford his own, someone told him that he could also get high by smoking parsley.  So he grabbed the Italian Seasoning to see if it would work.

I took him to school.. On the way to school, I talked with him about my childhood and the drug and alcohol abuse that I had seen in my own family and how it has caused so much sorrow.  Once we got to the school, I talked with the dean about what had happened.  She said that they will check his locker with the liaison police officer.  She also said that she would set him up to talk to a counselor that the school brings in.

Upon returning home, we took the door off of his room and went through his room.  In going through his room, we found a list of drug dealers and another list of people who wanted drugs.  I contacted the dean and she said she would notify the liaison police officer and he would get back with us.  The police officer never did contact us.

He occasionally met with the counselor.  She did tell us that his actions were still consistent with drug use and she would recommend that we test him for drug usage.  Not really sure why we didn't.  Were we not ready for the truth, could we not afford the test, did we not want to make him feel that we did not trust him, were we not sure how to go about with the test, were we not sure what to do if we found out.  Probably all of the above.

His grades were better, not great but better and he seemed to be better than he was before.